I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
