dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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