I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
dude. I can hear the air.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
