Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
