Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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