do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
