There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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