I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
