I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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