I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
