During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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