chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
