I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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