I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
