My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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