Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
