Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
