Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
