Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
