meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
now i know why i became what i already was.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm bleeding and have questions
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
