EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
