I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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