; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just want to make out with him forever
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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