Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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