This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
