My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
