yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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