Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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