I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
