my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
