he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
