Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
