i don't like sucking hair
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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