I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
