turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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