I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
