does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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