Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
