i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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