I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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