It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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