after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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