Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
