Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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