This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
