So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
even my farts smell like vagina
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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