I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
