dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
