well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
