dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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