I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
