We're facebook friends in real life
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
