her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
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After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
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He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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