nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
