god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
