Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
