you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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