Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
