It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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