Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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