you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
