Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
operation harelip BJ is a go
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
