I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
