I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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