Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
nutella sex= disaster
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
