About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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