I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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