Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
