I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
