I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
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Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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