Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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