I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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