Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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