I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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