Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize