Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
zippers are such a cool invention
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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