i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
