A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
