Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
