I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
