didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
