So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
