the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
